Season One, Episode Nine: “Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind”
story by Bill Taub and Anthony Yerkovich
written by Michael Kozoll, Steven Bochco, and Anthony Yerkovich
directed by Arnold Laven
original airdate: February 26, 1981
“Previously on Hill Street Blues…”
Roll Call: Item 10. As Cynthia Chase and her camera crew look on, Phil reminds the squad it’s welfare day, so they need to keep an eye on the check-cashing joints as it’s a good day for robberies. Andy’s pissy and won’t sign something Phil’s handing him, so he passes it to Bobby. Item 11 brings our attention back to the Dekker Avenue Merchant’s Association (DAMA from here on out), which now has the power to arrest. Item 12: Phil warning the squad to keep hands off Eddie Hoban unless he’s elbow-deep in a felony.
No, Andy and Bobby aren’t thrilled about that.
The final item is about the memorial service for Harris, who as you’ll recall was murdered at the end of last episode. Only Santini seems to be particularly interested in the details. As we head out into the squad room, the aforementioned DAMA is represented by Messrs. Viatoro and Arcanian, and there’s some snippiness from Ray. J.D. and Neal wander through, and pull up short when J.D. starts ogling Chase. Neal is, as always, amused. And we roll credits…
Bobby’s trying to get Andy motivated to actually go do some work, and failing miserably. As they finally start to leave, Chase approaches and wants to talk to them about Hoban’s release. Bobby wants nothing to do with it; Andy’s teetering on the edge of “television interview as therapy”. They bail, and J.D. swoops in. He spins a line about having been shot himself on a narco operation, and it’s such a bad lie you wonder if it’s actually true if only because he’s trying to be so sensitively macho about it. Ray, standing nearby, is visibly disgusted, and then rescues Chase from J.D.’s attentions. “Are you on duty, or just in heat?”
J.D. and Neal roll out, and Chase spots Frank coming in. She harangues him about the poor attitudes being offered to the DAMA, and there’s a sudden commotion; the cut is to Fay laying face down on the floor. She’s there to talk to Frank about the Hector Ruiz situation, and it’s not good: the ranch won’t take him unless he does six months in juvie first. Howard overhears this last part as he comes out of the bathroom and starts snarking about sociopaths. He mildly insults Fay, Frank reminds him who Fay is, and Howard turns into an obsequious toad. Phil tries to rescue Frank with a summons from Division, but Howard persists. Henry enters the fray, completely destroying Howard, and they start arguing. Frank summons them both to his office.
Cut to Andy and Bobby on patrol, where Andy grabs a couple of hookers (Rena and Biffy) — who think they’re getting busted — and takes them to lunch at a relatively swanky joint. Bobby waits outside, and Andy sends a waiter out with a tray. Bobby’s not interested. Andy’s waxing nihilistically, and Andy starts talking about his hospital stay, which causes Biffy to run to the bathroom to hurl. The waiter goes to get Bobby to haul Andy out of there, away from irate customers.
J.D. and Neal are out on the street, and Eddie Hoban approaches them like their his besties, offering info. Neal’s not interested in the least. Hoban’s scared; people think he snitched on other folks to get off the dime on the cop shooting. (But who would think that? There’s no snitching you can do to get off that rap.) And then J.D. drops a bomb on Neal — he invited Chase to come along on their stakeout. Just then, she rolls up. Neal’s irritated.
At the stakeout, Chase asks about Hoban. She’s also griping about the heat, and J.D. tells her she should take off her sweater. “I would, but I’m not wearing anything under it.” J.D. basically tells her that’s okay. She finally gets a clue, which J.D. supports by telling her he’s not trying to put the moves on her, proving he really is.
Phil accosts Howard to discuss the book he’s reading, which is also the title of this episode. Howard is interested until Phil tells him he got the book from Henry. Howard proceeds to accidentally break his weapon.
Cut to Henry in the roll call room. Santini enters, looking for an ear. He’s having second thoughts about being a cop. Bates, entering mid-stream, overhears and interrupts, teasing Henry about looking like the weatherman all the women are hot for.
Back to the stakeout, where a couple of black guys in hardhats come in and try to hold the joint up. Lots of bullets fly and lots of things break. After the commercial break, Andy and Bobby arrive on the scene, and immediately start busting on J.D. for Chase being present. J.D. is lit, and even offers Bobby a drink. Hoo-boy. Andy, on the other hand, partakes, because he’s off his nut today too. Andy then goes outside to confront Bobby, who completely goes off on him and threatens him with another partner-divorce.
Eddie Hoban’s trying to get someone he knows to talk to him. Anyone. It’s not working. Marty even spits on his grave. Belker witnesses all this, as he’s been keeping an eye on Eddie.
The DAMA bursts into Frank’s office with a bust for a stolen check, wanting to know who books the suspects. The cops do, of course. He shoos them away, just in time for Neal and J.D., there at his summons. They report on the result of the stakeout, Neal gets attaboys from Furillo, and departs. Frank holds J.D. up, though, because a tongue-lashing is called for over taking Chase on the job. J.D. leaves, Joyce calls with more bad news about Hector; it’s the same news he got from Fay. Six months in juvie before they’ll consider anything.
Santini’s trying to get some words with Henry again, but he’s preoccupied with the vending machine. Belker shows up and solves Henry’s problem. Belker’s taking Debbie Kaplan out on a stakeout. Henry nervously asks if Frank knows, and Mick slyly notes he’s already off the clock. Fake stakeouts: the best in cop foreplay. Mick thinks Henry’s crazy, because Debbie’s not like that. Anyway, Santini’s musing about how much he used to like cabinetmaking. Henry can’t tell him whether to quit or not. Phil and Lucy wander in, and Phil’s babbling about group sex or something. And Lucy’s fawning over Henry, which is weird.
Mick and Debbie are out on the stakeout. He’s telling her how dangerous it is. Mick calls the stakeout off, claiming his signalman has tipped him it’s cold for the night; Mick asks Debbie if she wants to go get something to eat. She wants something to eat, alright. Mick. He takes her home, and she’s all over him. And she likes it rough… which freaks Mick right the hell out. He can’t be rough… he loves her. He flees back to the station house.
Santini goes to talk to Frank. He requests a leave of absence, and Frank gives him some tough love. He knows Santini’s family, and he knows Santini doesn’t really want to be a cop. Henry’s ratted him about regarding the carpentry; Frank suggests Santini quit and go do that. Santini’s relieved; they shake and smile and he’s gone.
Bobby’s typing reports, and Andy’s ready to talk. He knows he’s the problem. Henry shows up with Hoban and asks for Frank. They walk through the squad, all evil eyes on Hoban; Frank and Ray take him into interrogation. Hoban’s so lost that he’s come in to confess. Hearing the tape, Bobby’s not sure Hoban even remembers… or that he even did it. As for Andy, he’s relieved.
At a restaurant bar waiting for Frank, Joyce watches Chase’s special report. To her surprise, she’s laudatory of Frank and the entire precinct, noting they’re flawed but do their best. Joyce thinks she’s got a career ahead of her. Frank’s interrupted by his pager; calling in, Phil informs him that the DAMA has gotten into it with a crew of Gypsy Boys, and a merchant is dead.
Our final scene is with Hector, as Frank and Joyce go to juvenile hall to tell him the bad news. Hector’s mad, obviously. But after a brief lecture from Furillo, he agrees to try to keep his nose clean for six months. They hug. Aww.
Look, Pizza Man: Joyce is completely straight-forward in her two (well, technically three) scenes — the phone call to Frank and the restaurant/juvie doublet. For the first time in the series, Joyce goes an entire 45 minutes without conflicting with her lover professionally.
Would You Prefer Internal Injuries?: Nothing funny from Mick this episode; it’s all pathos. We’ll get to that in a bit.
I’m Unarmed: “Howard… have you ever thought about this fear of foreigners, this loathing for pigmentation you have? That it might be related to some deeply-rooted sexual conflict?” Henry busting Hunter’s chops, and it works like a charm.
My Car!: “You wanna be like John D. LaRue with a pint in your pocket? Fine. But you get yourself another partner.” Bobby getting to Andy the only way that’s going to work, since losing Bobby is the one thing Andy can’t stomach.
Judas Priest!: “Don’t run out on me, Frank. Division can wait.” Howard, as always, keenly aware of his own imagined importance. He then really doubles down on the anti-Hector sentiment, saying “a roach in the men’s room has more redemptive tissue.” Later, he expresses his feeling about Henry with this gem: “He may be your kind, he may perhaps even be humankind, but he is not and never will be MY kind.”
Mano a Mano: Bates is all over Goldblume this episode for some reason, and it’s just weird.
I’m Good For It: “She wants me so bad, it’s just eatin’ her up inside. She just doesn’t realize it yet.” J.D., once again thinking a woman who actually has the hots for Furillo is interested in him.
What’s Up, Lover?: “Hey, babe. You wanna run a couple of those lines past me again? Think I’m gonna need ’em on J.D.” Neal, in his own inestimable fashion, commisserating with Hill after his showdown with Renko.
Not Now, Fay: “I had a four-inch run in my pantyhose, and then I got a ten-dollar parking ticket and it’s not even lunchtime yet!” As always, Fay’s connection with rationality is superb.
Central Booking: This episode marks the final appearances of Andrea Marcovicci as Cynthia Chase, Kent Williams as her cameraman Bernard, Luis Avalos as Mr. Viatoro, Paul Michael as Mr. Arcanian, Rob Berger as Eddie Hoban, and Jeff Seymour as Officer Santini.
Three actors make the first of two appearances, all of whom played different characters each time (allegedly). Odette Mitchell appears as “Biffy”, and she’ll be back in season two’s “The Second Oldest Profession.” Michael O’Guinne is the waiter; he’ll return in another role in season three’s “Little Boil Blue”. Mark Casella plays Marty, and he’ll come back in a different guise later in this season, in “Rites of Spring.” (Casella has actually appeared eight times on Law & Order, never twice as the same character.) Preston Hanson makes his lone appearance on the Hill, but after watching and rewatching I couldn’t spot him; he’s credited as “escort”. He is probably the gentleman (who is with an older woman) who takes umbrage at Andy’s behavior in the restaurant, but that person appears to be a regular businessman-type customer; perhaps the credit is a clue he’s something else entirely. Tee-hee.
Our still-unknown actress playing Morgan is present (barked at, by name, by Phil for paying more attention to her newspaper than him during roll call).
Charlene Jones returns as “Rena”, who may or may not be the same character she played in all her appearances; she’ll be back for “The Second Oldest Profession.” Gela Nash (credited as Gela Jacobson) is back as Debbie Kaplan, and next episode will be her final appearance as that character. (She’ll return as the main guest star of the season seven episode “She’s So Fein”, playing someone else entirely.)
Panchito Gomez returns as Hector Ruiz; it’s the last time we’ll see him until the second episode of season four, “Ba-bing, Ba-bing”.
Rap Sheet: Arnold Laven, who directed “Choice Cut”, is back in the director’s chair. He’ll return one last time for the season two episode “Zen and the Art of Law Enforcement.” Bill Taub gets his only Hill Street production credit for collaborating with Yerkovich on the story; he’d later be the co-producer of Sheena.
Verdict: There’s a mistake in this episode which slapped me in the face. During the scene with the bad check passers, Frank asks if they were passing bad checks. They confess. He then tells Ray to make sure they’re Mirandized and book them. Oops.
This episode concludes the series’ second arc, and puts several subplots to bed: the Chase story, the Hector Ruiz situation, the final resolution of Harris’s presence on the show, and most importantly the Hoban case.
The Chase plotline is an interesting dichotomy, because the story itself has legs but the central character is a bit of an annoying cliche. Cynthia Chase, at her core, is a muckraker who tries to make stories happen rather than reporting on them. But the concept of a journalist embedding in a squad room for awhile to tell their story is a good device, and the end result was acceptable.
Hector won’t get a happy ending, but the arc demonstrates how hard it is for an inner city kid who gets on the wrong side of the ledger to get back in black. He’s a hard kid, he’s stubborn, he values his image as a man, but deep down he wants to be “good”. But the system’s not going to let it happen. At the same time, we do get an object lesson in how redemption doesn’t happen overnight, and you shouldn’t expect it to.
With Santini’s departure in the wake of his partner’s murder, we get a good glimpse not only into how being a cop isn’t for everyone, but we’re told through dialogue how important (and some might say invasive) cop culture can be within families. The same is true when you have a family full or doctors or lawyers or, hell, even oil drillers, I suppose. But there’s obviously another dimension involved when it comes to the police.
And we have the Hoban resolution. Poor Eddie. He probably didn’t shoot Hill and Renko. But the circumstances of his arrest and release have made this kid, who is already messed up as it is, a complete pariah. He can’t function with even his fellow street folk hating him, so he thinks his only option is to go ahead and take the rap. He’ll get respect among his peers that way, and the fact that he needs that respect is devastating.
Meanwhile, there’s Hill and Renko and their respective reactions. Bobby, ever observant, sees the same thing we do as the audience. Andy’s just glad he feels like justice is being served, even if maybe he knows it isn’t. But if it makes Andy feel “whole” again, we can’t judge him too harshly.
Finally, a plot line which doesn’t really wrap here: Mick’s relationship with Debbie. Here we see that while Mick is a caged animal on the job, he’s even more sensitive and caring than we’ve already seen hinted at previously. Debbie is a libertine with an appetite. Mick just wants “love”, in an almost story-book sense. He’s completely incapable of dealing with the idea of a woman who wants him to treat her… well, in a lot of ways, the same way he treats criminals. It really does come down to that, albeit never stated outright.
Final score: 9. Not much in this hour misses the mark, and what does is very minor.
Next Week: “Gatorbait”, where Howard Hunter actually gets part of what’s coming to him.
Special note: next week, we may be skipping. What with March Madness in the air, time is at a premium. I may get to Gatorbait, I may not. If not, we’ll return in two weeks.
