Season One, Episode Seven: “Choice Cut”
story by Anthony Yerkovich
written by Lee David Zlotoff
directed by Arnold Laven
original airdate: Thursday, February 12, 1981
“Previously on Hill Street Blues…”
Roll Call: Item 8: Phil berates the squad for the “unauthorized merchandising” of photos for the purposes of interior locker decoration. Phil then informs the officers that Freddie the Wino has passed away in the station house holding cell. (We’ve seen Freddie in fleeting moments on numerous occasions.) Phil suggest flowers if anyone wants to contribute. As the squad disperses, Phil catches up Hill and Renko — with Phil complimenting Andy on his use of the word “temporal” — and directs them to Furillo’s office.
On the way, they encounter Bates, who’s standing in close proximity to a hooker on the phone (Lily). Andy tells Bates he wants to give her two dollars. Cue misunderstanding; Andy’s trying to donate to Freddie’s flower fund. Bates then tells off Lily’s pimp on the phone, and we roll credits.
In Frank’s office, Phil is telling him Fay’s left three messages. Frank’s not interested, but Phil notes she didn’t seem too happy. Morgan enters to get paperwork signed, Phil departs, and then Hill and Renko replace Morgan before the captain’s desk. He updates them on the Eddie Hoban case, and they depart just in time for Fay to show up… with a gun. In her hand. You can imagine what happens next.
Frank hauls her into interrogation, which is the current resting place of Freddie’s bagged body. Naturally, Fay’s near-death experience is all Frank’s fault for not returning her calls, because it’s not a real gun. It’s a toy which she found Frank Jr., with, and she thinks Frank gave it to him. After he explains he most certainly did not, we find out that Harvey (Fay’s boyfriend and Frank Jr.’s therapist because that’s not a conflict or anything) is out of the picture. Fay leaves, pointedly ignoring Phil, who is then told by Frank to move the body to the property room. On her way out, Fay runs into Belker, who engages her in polite conversation… while holding a naked mannequin and a cuffed suspect in a business suit.
Cut to Hill and Renko in their squad car. Bobby’s having second thoughts about what he saw or didn’t see, and Andy’s not real thrilled. They come upon a disturbance at a used car dealership, where a gentleman is very, very unhappy with the steaming lemon of a truck he bought. After they sort things out with the usual common-sense panache we’ve seen from them previously, they respond to another call. It’s a robbery, and there’s a kid with a shotgun in the middle of the street. Naturally, Andy panics at the sight of a gun pointed at him again, and plows the squad car through a sidewalk newsstand.
The area is cordoned off when Furillo and Goldblume arrive on scene. The robbery is at a grocery store managed by Irv Kresky. The suspects: Hector Ruiz and his buddy Juan. Frank and Henry enter the store just as Marv is finishing up connecting the store PA system to the phone line into the meat locker, where Hector and Juan are holding hostages. Marv’s not feeling well. Hector’s escaped from juvie, and he wants a hundred large and a plane to Cuba. As Frank explains to Hector that they can’t turn off the freezer but they’ll send in some coats and hot food, Hunter arrives on scene. And his team has a rocket launcher. Oh, boy.
Frank stands off with Howard, who’s condescending and obnoxious as always. Hunter’s end plan isn’t horrible, though; he wants to freeze Hector and Juan into a hypothermic slumber so they can just walk in and carry them out. Of course, Hunter can’t keep his mouth shut, and when Hector calls Frank again he overhears Hunter talking about “taking them down.” Oops.
Meanwhile, Henry’s making sandwiches while Marv recites a litany of ailments, and Renko comes to help. Henry takes the sandwiches and coats to the freezer, giving Juan the usual Henry Goldblume “We can work together” spiel. When he returns, Andy points out Juan doesn’t speak a word of English. Henry doesn’t care.
Bates arrives with Hector’s mother; that doesn’t work out so well, as mami berates Hector. After chewing Frank out, Hector tells him he’s about to get a hostage, and starts shooting. Back at the station, Ray’s on the phone, Phil’s on the phone, and we find out that what Hector shot was a side of beef.
Cynthia Chase (and her ever-present cameraman Bernard) is on the scene interviewing Kresky… right in front of Hill and Renko’s crashed squad car. Kresky suggests that he doesn’t think the store will reopen after this incident, the sixth robbery in the last year (plus three failed attempts). More of Hunter’s lackeys arrive with a “GL-700 deluxe mobile Frost King” to attach to the meat locker’s compressor.
Hector asks if he can send Juan out, who’s not feeling well, without Juan getting sent up the river. Frank can’t promise anything, but slyly notes that if Juan comes out with a hostage he’ll have a lot more to work with. Hector also wants to talk to the media, so Furillo sends Renko to get Chase. But before he goes, he’d really like to know what to do with “the deceased”, a.k.a. that side of beef. It’s evidence, Frank snaps. As Renko returns with Chase, we see our favorite pickpocket casing the crowd… and Belker spots him.
Chase has apparently been poisoned by Hunter, as she asks Frank about “the activists”. When she interviews Hector, she asks if he’s a member of the Puerto Rican National Front, or if he’s protesting something else. Meanwhile, Renko’s performing surgery on the beef to get rid of the bullets, because he has plans, yo. Bobby points out they have no unit to transport the meat, but it’s all good. Andy’s got a plan. He finds Bates, fends off her attempts to apologize for the earlier misunderstanding, and then asks if she’s got her squad car there, and then asks if he can “stash some meat in the rear of her unit”. No, really.
Hector’s ready to send Juan and the butcher’s apprentice out, but right then Hunter’s buffoons accidentally blow a transformer and knock the power out. Hector’s freaking, and says it’s not going to be his fault if the cops don’t get it together and something happens. Frank snaps on him, lecturing him about responsibility; he’s then interrupted by a call from the precinct. It’s Phil, informing him that the morgue still hasn’t arrived for Freddie’s body. Oh, and Division has cancelled Grace’s renovation fund in favor of funds for a helicopter pad. On the roof. Of the decrepit Hill Street station house. Obviously, Frank ain’t got time for this. He’s saved by the power coming back on.
LaRue and Washington arrive, with a blonde girl in their back seat. They summon Furillo; she’s Sherry Marie Libertini, Eddie Hoban’s ex-girlfriend. LaRue talks Furillo into giving her two minutes. She’s completely full of it, identifying Furillo’s own service weapon as the gun Hoban owned and then claiming she can tell Frank many more things… but it’ll cost more than twenty bucks.
Back inside, Hector’s starting to fold. He wants to get everyone out of the store and just talk, man-to-man, with Frank. Henry thinks it’s just Hector being ready to give himself up, and he’s just trying to save face. Henry clears the store out.
Outside, Hill and Renko deposit the beef carcass in Lucy’s squad car. LaRue and Washington witness this, and immediately make plans to steal it. Inside, Hector lets the hostages go, along with Juan, and then tells Frank maybe he’s better off dead. He’s not scared to die. He’s scared of juvenile hall. Frank promises to try and get him sent somewhere else. Hector is dubious, and displays a fair bit of worldly awareness: “Who’s gonna take a fifteen-year-old Spic with no money, huh?” Hector asks Frank who cares what happens to him, anyway. “Me. I care, Hector. Let me try.” And that gets Hector out of the meat locker. He surrenders himself to Furillo.
Outside, J.D. and Washington have completed their mission. “How we gonna camouflage 180 pounds of corn-fed beef down there, huh?” Neal asks. J.D. responds, “I got an old body bag in the trunk. Nobody’ll touch it.” Later, back at the station house, the men from the morgue finally arrive to haul Freddie away, his body bag on a gurney while J.D. and Neal are calling people to invite them to their big barbecue. Phil places the floral arrangement on the body bag, and it gets carted out.
Mick arrives with the pickpocket, and they engage in their usual antics. Frank returns, and Ray tells him the local merchants are in an uproar over the possibility of the grocery store closing. J.D. and Neal, 40 people confirmed for the barbecue, head off to get their beef out of the station house. Back to Phil, Ray, and Frank, the black van situation is brought up again; Phil suggests taking Harris and Santini off patrol and putting them on the case. Then Phil asks Ray if he can have a moment with Frank, and brings up the Grace situation again. Joyce arrives to save Frank from Phil’s angst.
Downstairs, J.D. and Neal are hauling the body bag upstairs. J.D. observes that it feels a lot lighter than it did before. (Really, you saw this coming four paragraphs ago, right?)
Back in Frank’s office, Furillo is trying to enlist Joyce’s help to make his promise to Hector come true. Joyce is so on-board that she’s willing to call her ex-husband, who used to be the attorney for a special school in Arizona. Joyce departs, and Fay arrives to apologize to Frank. And she’s the first person we see on the show who actually realizes Frank is sleeping with Joyce. For the first time in the series, the episode closes on someone other than Frank, as Fay says goodnight to Phil.
Look, Pizza Man: No late-night scene between our leads this episode, as Joyce has a P.R. event with the infamous Skip Fitzgerald. Joyce isn’t present except at the very end, where she once again goes above and beyond to help her erstwhile opposition out of a jam.
Would You Prefer Internal Injuries?: “Is that gonna be cash or charge, hairbag?” Belker nails the pickpocket before he can get three steps away, but a footchase then ensues. The pickpocket identifies himself as F. Scott Fitzgerald; they’re interrupted by a phone call from Debbie Kaplan, who wants to take Mick to a movie… at a porn theater. The pickpocket laughs, and Mick offers him six weeks in traction.
I’m Unarmed: Henry has an awkwardly laughable line, explaining that sending food into Hector would be a “primal” way of establishing “rapport”. Or, you know, just a regular old negotiating tactic. Razzed by Renko because Jews are supposed to be good at making sandwiches, Henry cracked, “My mother said eat. She never said watch.”
My Car!: “Belker vs. Furillo says that if the purchasee rescinds the object in question due to danger or, ah, distress within a quarter of the original consignment, he’s entitled to unobstructed easement.” Bobby laying the biggest and most blatant pile of fake legal bullshit imaginable on the car dealer. “You might have to accede to some of the fiduciary incumbencies involved.” Andy, doing much the same (although more accurately) to the truck owner.
And, of course, in keeping with the theme of this section, Andy wrecks the car. “What is that?” Furillo asks when he sees the car; “Just your basic evasive action,” Renko replies.
Judas Priest!: “That is a Soyut 109 incendiary rocket launcher. It’s Russian-made!” Good lord, Howard. “It’s a well-known fact that your Latin types can’t take the cold.” Jesus Christ, Howard.
Mano a Mano: “Can’t you wait until he’s off the phone, Renko? Or are you too hot to misdemeanor?” Lucy’s opening salvo in an extended gag which starts with her thinking Renko is propositioning a hooker, then turns into her thinking he’s propositioning her. After that’s sorted, she gets on the phone with Lily’s pimp and drops another one: “Hey, hey, hey. Conspiracy to intrigue white slavery is a felony, my man.”
I’m Good For It: It’s almost impossible to believe that J.D. paying Sherry Marie twenty bucks for garbage information wasn’t induced by J.D.’s groin, especially given his reaction to Frank upbraiding him for wasting his time.
What’s Up, Lover?: “Nothin’ to worry about babe, just your basic shrinkage, that’s all.” Surprisingly, Neal is 100% onboard with J.D.’s cattle rustling scheme.
Not Now, Fay: WHO WALKS INTO A POLICE STATION AND TAKES A PISTOL OUT OF HER PURSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SQUADROOM?
Outside of that absurdity, however, once Fay gets over her initial Fay-ness with Frank in the interrogation room, she’s perfectly fine. And the reveal that she knows Frank and Joyce are a thing displays that she’s pretty astute, as even Phil hasn’t glommed onto this yet.
Central Booking: For the second time, David Hirschfeld (Leo Schnitz) is not present. But the mystery of Officer Morgan continues; she appears front-and-center during Roll Call again this episode, and I still have no idea who she is. She’s in uniform, with a skirt, which isn’t normal; she’s usually in plainclothes.
Returning from last episode are Karole Selmon as Billie, making her final appearance uncredited. Andrea Marcovicci and Kent Williams return as Cynthia Chase and Bernard, continuing theirs. Donna LaBrie also returns uncredited as Wilma, Kevin Dracula’s victim from the previous episode.
Returning after prior appearances: the tag-team of Panchito Gomez and Jay Moreno as Hector Ruiz and Juan, as well as the reappearance of Nick Savage as Belker’s favorite pickpocket. This would be Moreno’s final appearance. Gomez returns in “Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind” after skipping one episode, while Savage is back in the next hour.
Several folks make one-shot appearances this episode; Al Stevenson, who’d appeared four times over five seasons as L.J. on The Rockford Files, plays the truck owner opposite car dealer Keith Davis. Gene Ryals was the guy in the morgue. Ilka Tanya Payan played Teresa Ruiz, Hector’s mama. Sherry Marie was played by Linda Shayne, best known for playing Bootsie Goodhead in the teen sexploitation comedy film Screwballs.
Lily was played by Charlene Jones, who’d appear four more times in different roles over the ensuing year, generally playing a hooker who’s sometimes given a name, sometimes not, and never the same one twice. Her next visit is in “Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind” as Rena.
Bob Tzudiker appears as Irv Kresky; he’ll be back one more time in season three’s “Officer of the Year” in a different role. Tzudiker had a relatively long career as a TV character actor, but is more well-known as a writer on several Disney animated films and as the co-writer of the musical bomb Newsies, which is now becoming a Broadway production.
Dana Gladstone makes the first of three appearances as Marv; he’ll return three episodes later in “Gatorbait”. Later in the series, he’d make two additional appearances as another character. He, like Tzudiker, had a long run as a character actor on TV but he’s probably most recognizable as Francesco in Beverly Hills Cop II.
Rap Sheet: Anthony Yerkovich gets story credit, but the actual writing nod went to Lee David Zlotoff. Zlotoff would only earn one more credit on the Hill (exactly one month later for “Life, Death, Eternity”) before scooting off to write episodes of Bret Maverick and Remington Steele, and then later creating the short-lived George Segal show Murphy’s Law before hitting it big by creating MacGyver. He basically dropped off the map after that, though he’s resurfaced of late penning episodes of NCIS.
Arnold Laven claims the director’s chair for this episode; he’d return for “Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind” and again in season two’s “Zen and the Art of Law Enforcement”. Laven had a long career in Hollywood, first directing the B-Movie Without Warning before taking the helm of the 1953 Edward G. Robinson cop film Vice Squad. He then drifted into television, where he directed numerous episodes of shows such as Mannix, The Six Million Dollar Man, Eight Is Enough, The Greatest American Hero, and The A-Team before retiring in 1985. He, like so many others, had a prior connection to Steven Bochco, having directed three episodes of Delvecchio. However, his biggest claim to fame was as a producer in the late 1950s and through the 1960s, where he oversaw (and directed some episodes of) long-running hit shows The Rifleman and The Big Valley. Laven passed away in 2009.
Verdict: There is so, so much going on in this episode even though it largely centers around one single plotline. The other subplots actually weave through it, and of course the main plot is itself integral to the episode-long set up for an undelivered but implicit punchline. The beef joke seems like simple comic relief within the episode right up until the point where you realize J.D. and Neal are taking the side of beef to the station in a body bag, and then realization hits you like a cast-iron skillet to the face.
As for the main plot itself, this is a great one. The intricate byplay between all the involved characters during the standoff at the grocery store is — for the most part — perfectly done. There’s a dull note when Henry drops the “give them food” speech, and the fact that Hector shot the side of beef rather than a hostage seems like a cruel usage of deus ex machina. But set those flats aside and it’s great stuff. The final scene between Furillo and Hector could have come across as a sort of Aw Shucks, Dad moment, but Panchito Gomez carried the scene with just the right amount of maturity to make it feel real.
And then there’s all the action going on around the direct conversations between Furillo and Ruiz, exactly the sort of byplay which makes the characters on this show into real people. The constant cuts back and forth between subplots, always rebounding right back to Furillo, remind us we’re not just watching the hero deal with the bad guy. It’s almost surprising that this episode didn’t grab the Emmy nomination that went to next week’s hour.
Final score: 9.
Next Week: “Up in Arms”, where the case against Eddie Hoban takes a turn for the worse.
