Category: Get Me Off This Planet

The Most Hilariously Inept Phishing Attempt I Have Ever Received.

Seriously. You have got to see this shit. I have changed absolutely nothing except for stripping out a live bullshit link and inserting linebreaks so you don’t have to scroll sideways. (And no, the missing spaces are not because I’m a dumbass and didn’t insert linebreaks correctly. They were already missing.)

YAHOOMAIL.COM,. HOTMAIL. ,GMAIL.,AOL, VERIZON, ATT, SBC,AND
ALL CUSTOMER ACCOUNT USERS?

Warning: This message may not be fromwhom it claims to be.
Beware of following any links in it or ofproviding the
sender with any personal information. Learn more

Dear Account Owner,
It has come to our notice that youremail has not passed the
verification/Update process that we arepresently working on.
We are currently upgrading our data base ande-mail account
center .We are deleting all Old Web mail email accountto
create more space for new accounts.. To prevent your account
fromclosing you will have to update it so that we will know
that it's apresent used account. To complete your account
re-confirmation, youmust reply to this email immediately
and enter your account details asrequested below.

****IMPORTANT :
 *********************************************************
 Email User-name :
 EMAIL Pass-word :
 date of birth..
 Country or Territory :
 Email: 
****************************************************

ALL YOUR IMPORTANTS SHOULD BE VERIFY ALSO:

This updating is compulsory as aresult of our recent server
changes. If you fail to update your emailaddress you will
soon be unable to receive/send mails.Also your emailwill
not be equipped with the latest anti-virus system in our
newservers. This will make your email and PC vulnerable to
virus attacksfrom the internet.

****HOW TO UPDATE:

To update simply reply the above toupgrading admin as
appropriate. Failure to do so immediately will leadto
SUSPENSION OF YOUR ACCOUNT.
 Thanks for your co-operation,
 Web-mail Administrato

Let’s parse.

1. Remember not to provide the sender personal information, which of course is the entire purpose of this phishing attempt. That’s like a panhandler walking up to you with his hand out and saying “Don’t give beggars money, and can I have a quarter?”

2. They’re deleting e-mail accounts. Webmail accounts. At multiple service providers, because you know that someone just has to delete all those old AOL accounts to make room for new Verizon accounts. That’s how businesses operate, right?

3. All your importants should be verify also. All your importants. All your importants. All your importants should be verify also. You have no chance to survive, make your time.

4. Your e-mail will not be equipped with the latest anti-virus system in their newsservers, guys! Well, shit, man. How am I supposed to get all my USENET emails now?

5. Failure to comply will make my PC vulnerable to attacks from the internet, even though if I don’t comply, I won’t be able to get my e-mail, which means my PC won’t download any of the no-longer virus-ridden e-mail, which means… uhh, how will my PC get infected now, exactly? Wouldn’t my inability to access my e-mail actually protect my PC from any possible infection that these cumfarts would have anything to do with? GOD I’M SO CONFUSED.

Seriously, man. You’d have to be a complete fucking dipshit to fall for this one, which come to think of it means these cockbags are probably already reading granny’s emails and whacking off to pictures of your sister. Anyone who actually falls for this phish should be immediately turned into tasty protein cakes.

The World Continues to Turn.

There’s been a lot of talk about how the NFL and the Chiefs are wrong, greedy, cynical, whatever for going ahead with today’s game in the light of the Jovan Belcher murder-suicide yesterday.

It’s all nonsense. I’m sorry, that’s harsh, and it’s also accurate. Lemme explain why.

If Jovan Belcher were a radiologist at your local hospital, they’d stay open (once any necessary intrusion by the police and crime scene investigators was taken care of). If he were a stocker at Wal*Mart, they’d stay open. If he were a customer service representative for your cell phone company, you’d still be able to call and get support today.

Maybe, if he were an employee of a very small business, they’d close for the day. Maybe. But outside of that, business continues in the face of incidents such as these. Why should the NFL be any different?

Indeed, there are those who might argue that this IS different, because… I don’t know. Because it’s in the news? Because we care more? Because we know, when we get in our cars and drive to the stadium, that something horrible happened and things are surreal whereas when we get in the car to go buy groceries we have no idea that the schlub who put the beans on the shelf three days ago shot himself in the loading dock?

We want the NFL to cancel today’s game because we feel it’s the right thing to do, and we accuse them of being selfish for not doing it. Maybe we should consider this: expecting them to halt business only serves to make US feel better, and in that respect we’re the ones being selfish for demanding they do so.

Logic, Unnecessary.

This evening, Andy Furman and Lincoln Kennedy were offering their take on the AP poll, and polls in general, in the context of Lane Kiffin’s vote getting outed in the coaches’ poll.  Now, I have heard a lot of stupid shit on the radio in my life.  Hell, I’ve heard Andy Furman say a lot of stupid shit on the radio.

I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a sequence as stupid and incomprehensible as this.

Before I start: Kennedy was mostly an innocent bystander in all of this, whose only purpose ended up being to get shouted down by an increasingly agitated and non-sensical Furman.  I just wanna get that out, because while Kennedy’s often wrong about stuff, he’s at least conscientiously wrong.  (By that, I suppose I mean “he’s usually wrong because he’s not seeing the forest for the trees, being a former player.”)

So, the conversation started innocuously enough, with Furman pointing out that USA Today had an obligation to report that Kiffen’s vote did not jibe with his public statements.  Remember this, it will be important later.  Then the pair started jawing about the integrity of the polls, pointing out the following important facts which I have been trying to get across to everyone for some time: coaches don’t fill out their polls, and even when they do, they only pay attention to one game a week; writers are busy doing their writing thing, and don’t get to see anything close to every game or even every relevant game; east-coast voters have no freakin’ idea what happens in west-coast night games.  They didn’t touch on my pet bugaboo, which is that ESPN actually drives who they do vote for thanks to Rece Davis, Mark May, and Lou Holtz, but that’s okay.  They got to the root of the problem.

Then it all went off the rails.  Kennedy asked who should vote, and Furman then started losing his mind.  His suggestion?  Broadcasters.  Not guys like Rece Davis, mind you; Furman was referring to the guys who do play-by-play and/or color for FBS school broadcasts.  Yes, that’s right.  The guy who just pointed out that coaches and writers don’t have time or access suggested that guys who have just as much spare time decidedly not on their hands should take up the mantle.  He even brushed aside a hint from Kennedy that might have led to a suggestion that bloggers might be the answer by making it clear that he felt you need to be a professional with years of experience to be entrusted with such a momentous task.

And then, all of a sudden… the coaches’ poll has no integrity not for the reasons stated already here, but because USA Today ruined it forever by releasing Kiffin’s vote for USC.  The coaches’ poll can’t be trusted now, and it’s all USA Today’s fault, and it needs to be taken away from them.

No, seriously.  Out of nowhere, he started ranting about this… after starting the segment by pointing out that journalistic integrity required them to do it.

Andy Furman: gainfully employed.  Me: not so much.  What a world.

Humanity Sucks.

So, tonight I was twitteranting about a report on the local FOX station.  While searching for a murder suspect, the Tulsa PD opened the door of their K-9 unit, and the dog bolted, rushing into a yard and biting a seven-year-old boy who was playing in his own damned yard.

The cops just stood around, doing nothing; they offered neither apologies nor assistance.  They had (or claimed to have) no first-aid kits in their cruisers, and — here’s the part that really kills me — forced the family to call 911 themselves rather than just calling the incident in.  Got it?  At least a half-dozen cruisers on the street, and they can’t radio for a bus to come check on the kid THEIR DOG injured.

We all know the real deal here, right?  The cops basically stood around pretending nothing for which they might be responsible had occurred, because taking responsibility would open the police department up for a lawsuit.  Actually doing their job of protecting and serving takes a backseat to covering their own asses.  And we’re in that state of affairs because you can bet your ass that the family, if the police had taken responsibility for the incident, WOULD have sued, instead of accepting that shit just happens sometimes and being grateful that the police were trying to rectify their mistake.  God forbid we fail to try and profit off misfortune.

I really fucking hate humanity, and demand that the aliens who abandoned me here to study this backward-ass species come get me.

Of course, immediately after that report, we had video filed by a reporter.  I don’t know what the story was about, because I was too appalled by the fact that she was driving the news van while being filmed by the cameraman (who was in the passenger seat)… and she spent almost the entire time looking into the camera.

While driving.

Yeah.